Can you remember a time when you failed? Fell short of your goal? Didn’t get that promotion? Failed to raise funding?

Our past shortcomings aren’t things we like to revisit, much less analyze. But in growing a business, you’ll find that failure, at some point, is all but inevitable. While it’s next to impossible to locate a business leader that hasn’t at some point failed, you will see countless highly-successful people admit failing but use that as a stepping stone to reach new heights. Some of history’s greatest minds were shaped by failure: Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and the list goes on.  

I wonder– how do successful people cope with failure in a way that fuels their growth rather than drag them down?

Perhaps, they know that failure is necessary for growth and a normal, albeit painful, requirement along the journey to success. This was confirmed by Alex Mashinsky — eight-time founder who raised a total of $1 billion in funding and generated $3 billion in exits — on this Unmessable episode. Alex, who most recently founded Celsius Network, a crypto wallet which pays interest on the top 20 blockchain coins, recalls a harsh lesson he learned.

In 2009, he sat down with Bill Gurley from Benchmark, a top venture capital firm in the Valley, which was in the process of deciding to back either GroundLink (Alex’s creation which predated Uber by 5 years) or Uber, a competing newcomer app. They chose Uber, which was a pulverizing hit for Alex. He almost went into a clinical depression.  While this event could have crippled him, after some time, he picked himself back up and used it as motivation to grow.  

Alex says the greatest risk is not taking one. Major life failures are only failures if we fail to learn from them. He recommends using these four inquiries to extract every bit of learning you can from your own failures.

1. What is a fact as opposed to your version of the story?

The first thing to do is replay the events in your mind. Then, try and separate what actually happened from your version of the story. This prompt is designed to unweave your feeling of being a failure, versus the project failing. 

An easy way to do this is to remove the subjectiveness in your words (either external and internal). For example, I didn’t get the promotion because I wasn’t good enough versus I didn’t get the promotion.  

When Alex received the news that Benchmark was backing Uber, it nearly broke him. He began to question everything, making it hard to gain perspective. Later he was able to separate fact from his version of what happened. Learning to distinguish harsh self-criticism from true events is crucial as you work to move past your failure.

2. What was my mindset with respect to this initiative?

The origin of all your actions is your outlook, or said differently, your mindset. Your way of being and how you interpret situations will drive your actions, which yield specific outcomes. Reflecting on your mindset when you failed or weren’t effective can surface meaningful lessons. Were you cheerleading for the team? Did you take 100% accountability and responsibility? Or did you secretly throw in the towel before the game ended?

In a pivotal meeting to discuss how GroundLink was going to react to the influx of cash Uber was receiving, Alex’s investors stood firm, urging him to stick with profitability, to not raise more capital, and continue on the current path of not subsidizing rides, which capped the company’s ability to grow fast. Relinquishing his power to his investors was a mistake, Alex admits. He didn’t listen to his instincts, and, ultimately, the company paid the price. 

3. Do I give up feeling resentful towards myself and others?

Failure is one of the hardest emotions to process. First you accuse others. Then you turn on yourself.  Then you blame the circumstances. But all that baloney thinking is not only useless but it prevents you from moving on and growing. 

So how do you move forward? One word: forgive. Forgive yourself for everything you did/didn’t do. Then forgive others. That’s what Alex did and it brought him a great deal of internal peace.

4. What is next?

Ok, so you attempted to do it, and didn’t succeed. So what? 

You know that saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Well, you have to make a choice: hold onto your failure and fuel the negative internal chatter, or shift your attention onto what’s next. 

For Alex, this meant seeking new opportunities, which led him to found Transit Wireless (a $1 billion business that powers the wireless system in New York City’s 300 subway stations, bringing 4G and WiFi coverage to 8.5 million daily commuters), Governing Dynamics (a venture fund that invests in promising tech companies), and Celsius Network. The key is to shift your focus off of dwelling on past failures to how you are going to realize your potential. 

Failure is only a failure when you don’t learn from it and use it as motivation to achieve something even better. When you fail, it feels like the entire world reminds you that you are a failure. People don’t get behind you when you are down but that’s exactly the time when you have to leverage what happened and use it as motivation.

The people who get knocked down, shake it off, get back up and reach new levels understand that failure is what makes success possible.